Can't Say No
by oOoMilkTeaoOo
Summary: Ciel is your average fun loving, sword welding extraordinaire. Join her as she (failingly) charms ladies, (accidentally) slices her way through hoards of enemies, and (lovingly) pieces together her pirate crew, one crew member at a time. Her father and dead mother might not (definitely don't) approve of her actions, but a Captain can do whatever they want, right? Crack/Serious Fic
1. Chapter 1

Ciel smiled triumphantly as she brushed the dust off of her cloak. It was stained dark crimson with the blood of her opponents. In her hands, she gripped the smooth bandaged handle of her katanas.

"Oh look, I won again. What a surprise." she answered monotonously, her lips curling into a smug smirk.

The grunts of the other noblemen only served in boosting her arrogance, which flared out of control, as it always did after a victory.

Whispers and points came from the bystanders, along with some quiet giggling and gossiping from the noblewomen. However, amidst the generally amused audience, one man looked as if he had shit his pants. In the angry way, of course.

However, he was restrained by his best friend and brother, who held a tight grip on his arm. "At ease, Lucius. You knew this would happen if you disowned her." he tried to soothe, but to no avail.

"She's making a fool out of herself. Who in their right mind would want to marry that twat now?" he muttered dangerously under his breath.

"Well as one could say, you are _not_ the father!" his generally more lighthearted brother joked, "Not anymore, at least." he whispered under his breath.

Lucius's face morphed into something demonic, "Give me my sword, I'm going to wipe that arrogant smirk off her face. Along with a few limbs." he growled.

"Lucius, you'll kill her." his brother deadpanned. "Probably not accidentally, either." he muttered.

"That's the point." the other replied harshly.

Meanwhile, the incredibly arrogant twat as labeled by Lucius was deep in thought (for once). "Hmm. What now, I wonder? All the guys here are weak shit." Ciel thought to herself, lips pursuing in thought.

Ciel (ex) Lockrone, recently disowned daughter and swordswoman extraordinaire, smiled childishly as she formed another great scheme in her head. She placed her fist on her open palm as a sign of a mastermind in thinking.

"I shall become a great warrior!" she decided. She flipped some of her waist length raven hair, adding some dramatic flair she obviously needed, "Not that I'm not already, tsk tsk." she wagged her finger.

"I'm going to murder her." Lucius's eyes narrowed, as his brother struggled even more to keep him in place.

Of course, Ciel had to make it worse for her pitiful uncle. "No, no, even better! I shall become," she looked haughtily up to the sky, "A pirate!" she decided boldly, raising a fist as if to reach the heavens.

"Give me my sword, I swear to Enel- Blare! Where _is_ my sword?!" the enraged ex-father hissed.

The crowd of nobles's voices grew in volume and excitement at Ciel's loud statement.

"You go girl!" one excited noblewomen yelled, at the expense of her appalled husband.

Ciel smiled at her 'fans' and waved a hand, "At ease, friends. I understand your excitement, but you're all shredding the last pieces of my humbleness." she explained delicately.

" _Run,_ Ciel!" Blare hissed, his arms trembling from keeping Lucius in place for so long. Lucius had somehow managed to swipe a sword from an unsuspecting noble, and he would have cut down Blare's own arms had they not been brothers.

Ciel gave one last 'told-you-I-knew-what-I-was-doing' grin to Lucius before charging for the harbor where she kept her small rowboat. It was a present from her late mother. As expected, the lack of feminine influence in the young ex-noble's life had an resulted in vast manliness. Not that she minded, of course.

"Wait, Ciel-sama!" a maid yelled from the distance.

Ciel turned her head to face her personal maid, Hista. She smiled cockily, and held up a hand in greeting, "Yo sweetcakes, how's it going?" Ciel, following the example of drunken noblemen in bars, had adopted a very flirtatious manner of speaking to anything remotely feminine that moved. Her interest lied only in boys, and this was understood by everyone, but it never did stop the annoyed blush that rose in Hista's cheeks. "Ciel-sama, _stop_."

"Awe, sugar, you're gonna get wrinkles if you keep frowning-" Ciel pouted.

"Take _this_." Hista demanded, thrusting a full backpack into Ciel's unsuspecting arms. She could never stand talking to her young master for long periods of time. "It'll keep you surviving for a while." she explained. "It has food, a compass, water, a change of clothes-"

"How sweet of you, Deliah-" Ciel smiled thoughtfully.

"It's Hista." she corrected immediately.

Ciel winked and waved a hand, "Wait for me to come back." she replied, as if in a cliche romance chick flick.

"I won't." Hista deadpanned.

"Tsunderes are _so_ cute." Ciel smirked, talking as if Hista couldn't hear her at all.

"I can still hear you, Ciel-sama." Hista grit her teeth and smiled forcibly.

"I know, darlin'." Ciel replied, hopping into her rowboat and pulling out the oars. A manly sparkle shined in her eyes as she turned her head to face Hista with a thumbs up. "I'll come back for you after I've become a real man-"

"Your royal father will cry." Hista rolled her eyes.

That snapped Ciel momentarily out of her manly stupor, "You mean _ex_ bastard. Opps. Father, I meant." Ciel cooed innocently. "He's still a _baaastard_." she hissed.

Hista rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time before kicking the rowboat ahead, letting it catch a wave. "I don't know why I bothered. Don't drown! You'll sink!"

"I know! I wonder why, though? All the other guys don't drown..." Ciel thought to herself. "Anywho, bye sweetie! I promise I'll learn how to swim and make you _proud_!" she waved excitedly from the distance.

Hista smiled sadly to herself, "You never will, Ciel-sama..." she muttered quietly. "But this weakness will be your greatest strength in the end." she finished her monologue.

"I _will_ learn how to swim, mon amour-!" Ciel yelled.

"You're not supposed to hear monologues!" Hista hissed.

* * *

 **A whole lot of crack. Anyway, Ciel might be a little mary sue at times, but only for comedy's sake. She isn't gonna win every fight, and not everything is going to go her way though. Join the partay for whole lot of laughs, tears and all that good melodramatic teenage drama stuff.**


	2. Chapter 2

Ciel's boat sailed languidly across the water, creating soft ripples and quiet splashes. The ex-noblewomen herself was asleep, uncharacteristically still for once, with a peaceful expression on her face.

Eventually the currents, perhaps by some fate, lead the boat to the port of Smackyo Island. The boat gently hit the edge of the port, and reeled back, before hitting the edge of the port again. This continued for several more minutes before Ciel groaned loudly.

"I'm gonna smack yo..." Ciel murmured incoherently, raising her arm and waving it around wildly.

"Welcome to Smackyo Island, Miss!" a cheerful voice greeted.

Ciel's eyes snapped open before she leaped to the top of the port. "I'll smack yo!" she cried angrily, for some reason even she herself could not fathom. Putting all the force she could muster into this one slap, she felt the sting of skin meeting skin as she attacked the stranger's face.

The slap was loud, and caught most of the bystanders's attention. Ciel, however was still very drowsy, and fell asleep almost immediately, falling to the ground in a heap of limbs all over the place.

The boy had a smile frozen on his face, completely unsure of what to do. People were staring, a girl just slapped him (really hard) for no apparent reason, and he think he peed his pants a little when he saw the killing intent in her eyes.

He cautiously looked down at the unconscious girl below him, almost as if terrified she would leap up again and take his life this time. Very, _very,_ hesitatingly, he kneeled down and gently poked her cheek.

"Hey. Uh. The ground's not really comfortable and-" he started, before screaming internally when she opened her eyes and stared right at him. Her eyes were a deep blue, and he almost got lost looking at them.

Slowly, a smile graced her lips as she started to get into a proper sitting position. She grinned and waved a hand, "Hey, nice to meet you! My name's Ciel! What's yours?" she asked in a friendly tone.

The boy decided it was best he didn't tell her of how their 'first meeting' actually was. He did his best to reciprocate the girl's blinding grin, although shakily. "Nice to meet you. My name's Shen. It's nice to meet you, Ciel."

Ciel laughed fondly, "No need to be so stiff, man!" she joked, gently slapping him on the back with no ill intentions. Therefore, she was quite confused when he stiffened up even more, and felt him hold in his breath.

"Uh dude, you alright? You having a seizure or something?" she asked cautiously, waving a hand in front of his face.

He coughed awkwardly and scooted away from her curious hand, "Yes, yes! Not to worry, I'm completely sane- fine. I'm fine." he answered.

Ciel shrugged with a lopsided grin, "Whatever you say, bud. What did you say this place was?"

"Smack... I don't know." he gave up, his head hanging low. No one could blame him, as now he had a phobia of smacking. Courtesy of the first pirate he had ever met. Not that he knew she was a pirate, of course.

Ciel giggled, "You don't know?" she tilted her head, "Me neither."

The boy smiled a little at the girl's increasing stupidity. "I know you don't. You just asked." he replied, feeling a little more calm now.

Ciel stood up and brushed some dust from her clothes, "That I did! Now let's go ask someone!" she decided passionately, grabbing the boy by the arm and yanking him around the market despite his protests. Luckily for the new pirate, just as they left, a bystander had come back with a Marine.

"I'm _sure_ , Sir. There was a crazy girl- a banshee I tell you! She suddenly leaped out of the water and attacked a poor boy!" the woman stressed.

The Marine had a calm, serene smile on his face. "I'm sure you did Miss, but we don't catch banshees, we catch pirates." With that, he left the woman to cry to her heart's content about her newfound interest in banshees.

"Dang girl, I'd eat your muffin top-" Ciel felt a hand go over her mouth for the eighth time now.

Shen's face was even redder with more angry and inflamed slap marks now. Shen was near tears now, "Ciel, I beg of you, _stop_ saying those things! My face can't take it any more! Why do they slap me anyway? I don't even sound like a girl!"

Ciel pursued her lips as she thought hard about it, "Y'know buddy, I don't know either." she answered, turning her head to look in front of her, "You must really be hated by the girls here, _big_ time. I mean, even I only got slapped once. By Hista, my maid. She's _so_ cute when she's shy." she cooed to herself.

Shen was crying by now, "Why me-?" he whined to himself. "-wait, a maid?"

"Oh! Hot lady, spotted!" Ciel grinned, expertly sneaking next to the longhaired beauty. Without them noticing, Ciel coolly sneaked an arm around their waist, causing them to stiffen up immediately.

When Shen realized who Ciel was harassing, he felt his heart plunder to his gut. "Ciel, no-!" he cringed. But alas, it was too late.

"Are you a mermaid?" she whispered, "Because mermaids don't wear panties."

There was a prolonged silence where everyone stopped what they were doing and ran for their lives.

"Run! _Run!_ Another drunk bastard mistook Kenshin for a women!" an old man hollered, running faster than he had ever in his long life.

Shen ran alongside the old man, breathing heavily, "I know Kenshin-san is scary, but is he really so terrifying?" he wheezed.

The old man had a wise look in his eyes, "Never in my years have I ever seen that kid lose before. He's a monster on the battlefield. But y'know, he's more like a moody cat more than anything when he's not pissed." he chuckled slightly.

Shen nodded slightly, "What happens when someone calls him a women?" he asked innocently.

The old man lowered his head, a shadow hiding his eyes, "Just keep running kid, and don't look back." he answered solemnly. "The marketplace will be a bloodbath within an hour. Most likely even earlier."

Shen almost tripped, "B-But, Ci- my friend is there! I can't just _abandon_ -" he protested.

"I'm sorry kid, but you'll just waste your life if you go back. No one's a match for Kenshin." he winced.

Shen felt his lip quiver, "She might be a swordsman though. I thought they were just for decoration, but perhaps-" he whispered.

"Huh? What was that? These ears don't work like they used to anymore."

Shen shook his head, "No," he closed his eyes. "It's nothing."

Ciel smirked as she expertly dodged the swing of the sword. It was _so_ easy to predict. For heavens sake, the lady was literally oozing with killing intent. "Hey hun chill! Not into seafood, eh-?"

Ciel grimaced as she ducked, almost failing to dodge. "O-okay, so you definitely hate seafood, got it. I'll keep that in mind on our first date." she answered.

"Who the hell would want a date with you?!" the swordsman screamed. Ciel raised an eyebrow. Their voice was a _lot_ more deeper and manlier than she was expecting. She sighed happily. Women were really amazing-

Within a split second, Ciel unsheathed her twin katanas to parry the murderous advance from the other swordsman. Ciel smiled, "Wow. We should totally do this again one day. But like, less stabby stabby with our swords and more with-"

"Finish that sentence, and I will finish _you_." the other grit out.

Ciel grinned, "Aw darlin', if you just wanted me to _finish_ first, you could have just asked-" she cooed.

That day, was the day Kenshin snapped.

* * *

 **Aha, sexual jokes all around now /whoop whoop/ Next episode will be the fight of two swordsman! Who will die (probs not) and who will live (probs both XD) you'll have to see next time!**


End file.
